I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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