I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
