Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
