She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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