saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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