Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
