I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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