I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
