If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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