Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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