a queef is a wish your heart makes.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
