so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
