She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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