I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize