you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
