lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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