Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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