I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
