Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
