Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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