Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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