it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
