my vag is so smooth its legendary
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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