its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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