i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
