Got a toothbrush?
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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