Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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