so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
