I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize