He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
