Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
