The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Holy sore nipples Batman
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
