Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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