Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
