i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
