3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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