I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
And the cops told us we were all naked.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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