Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
