There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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