I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
