I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
