I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
