Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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