Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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