bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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