Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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