Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
