i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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