hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
