just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
