I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You pole danced in your parka.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
