Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
