I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize