Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Randomize
