What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
