My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
