Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
