I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
