We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
