he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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