i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
