those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
