I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
