I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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