I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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