Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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