Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
