I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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