Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
