I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
