Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You ruined the universe
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
