seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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