it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize