I wish you could order shots online.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
