dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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