I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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