mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
