Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think I have vodka in my lungs
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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