My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
