JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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