help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
