he puts the penis in happiness.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
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