cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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