I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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