im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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