the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
