was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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