I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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