remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
