I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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