So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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