Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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