He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
