she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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