So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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