Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
