new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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