high people should be assigned attendants
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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