either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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