so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
