shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Pooping to opera.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
