She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
