Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
