and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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