New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize