I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize