Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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